I read Dr Dietrich von Hildebrand's Marriage: The Mystery of Faithful Love a few weeks ago. The central point of the book is that procreation is the purpose of marriage, whereas love is its meaning; this point is further extended to the marital act. As Dr von Hildebrand writes:
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Dietrich von Hildebrand wrote:
Love is the primary meaning of marriage just as the birth of new human being is its primary end....Two human beings can also turn to face one another, and in touching one another in an interpenetrating glance, give birth to a mysterious fusion of their souls. They become conscience of one another, and making the other the object of his contemplation and responses, each can spiritually immerse himself in the other. This is the I-thou relationship, in which the partners are not side by side, but face-to-face.
Of all terrestrial communions, conjugal love is the most pronounced form of an I-thou relationship. The beloved person is the object of our thoughts, sentiments, will, hope, and longing. She becomes the center of our life (as far as created goods are concerned). He whose heart is filled with such conjugal love for his beloved lives not only with his beloved, but for his beloved.
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Sex has as its purpose the begetting and ultimately the birthing of children, and marriage has as its end this and the further rearing of those children. But the meaning of both is love. This is turn may require some sacrifices, and it certainly requires the free git of one's whole self, meaning both now and for as long as the other spouse still lives.
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Dietrich von Hildebrand wrote:
Does not every love carry with it the great risk of suffering? In attaching our hearts to a person, do we not run the risk of enduring terrible sufferings, through misfortunes that may happen to our beloved or separation from her when she dies? Should we then abstain from love in order to prevent the possibility of great sorrow?
He whose life is dominated by the intention of avoiding any possible cross excludes everything that gives human life grandeur and depth. He will never know real abandon--never know real, deep happiness. Remaining in a mediocre self-centeredness, he will never be able to do anything without a certain reserve; he will always provide for a possibility of retreat.
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It is worth taking a moment to contrast Dr von Hildebrand's vision of marriage with our culture of death, which demands that the meaning and purpose of sex be either power or pleasure. If the former, then it is a monstrous rape, and if the latter, then it is but a momentary rapture. In either case, there must be no long-term consequences or other consequences of the intercourse. Marriage is but a union meant to allow access to each other for the purpose of pleasure--and sex the expression of something short-term and fleeting though enjoyable and repeatable--as well as the convenience of sharing income, etc.
In such a culture, contraception is a must--and abortion as a back-up plan in case that fails. Pregnancy is a blessing only if it's intended, and intended only if (and for so long as) it's convenient. Especially telling is the frequent reliance on the case of a pregnancy resulting from rape--horrifying as this crime is--as the justification of abortion, despite the relative dearth of actual pregnant rape victims. If the pregnancy is unintended, then it becomes a symbol to every self-respecting radical feminist of the patriarchal power of men invading on the sovereignty of the woman's body. Since the pregnancy resulted through sexual intercourse, the association is established that every unintended pregnancy is the result of a rape, however willing a participant the woman was during the actual deed.
So long as sex is treated as merely "fun and games, until somebody gets pregnant," it will to that same extent be denigrated as a symbol of patriarchal power. Every encounter becomes a potential rape, if only after the fact, fraught with the tensions thereby raised. Will he still love her tomorrow, and will she remain faithful to him in return? How can love flourish amid such doubts, such deceptions? All the risks of sorrow and suffering which come with true love are present, but without the the deepest joys. The shallow pleasures are kept, but not any real lasting happiness--a miserable state indeed. As C.S. Lewis has said, the devil loves to take everything we have and give us nothing in return.
It doesn't have to be this way.
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Originally posted on my
Equus Nom Veritas blog.
Tags: Culture Marriage Culture-of-Life Culture-of-Deat H Philosophy
